Category: Relationships

Compassion for All?

10/18/2018

Is it possible to feel compassion for people whose ethics and behavior clash with the core values of veganism?

Q:
I am keenly aware of your views on compassion for all living things -- even humans who think it is acceptable to eat meat, or humans who think they were put on this earth to dominate animals and eat their flesh, or humans who use animals for entertainment, or humans who think that war is necessary or that hunting is valuable. I find myself unable to reach such levels of empathy. I am not even charitable enough to excuse them simply because they do not know how animals suffer for trivial human purposes. How do you find it in your heart to be open to such people? Why do you allow them such latitude?

Taming Teen Rebellion

9/20/2018

What can a nonvegan family do when a vegan teen has a chip on their shoulder?

Q:
My teenage stepdaughter is a strict vegan. When she was with us over the summer, we were running two kitchens in one. The fridge was always stuffed to the gills. She insisted on total control of her diet, devoting her days to planning, shopping, cooking, and eating. When I offered dishes that were completely free of animal products, she refused, as if I were trying to poison her. She viewed us with disdain, having more compassion for a common housefly than for her family.

Are Vegans Too Picky?

6/7/2018

Is it OK to occasionally "cheat" on a vegan diet?

Q:
I’ve been vegan (well, “strict vegetarian”) for several months and really feel good about my decision. However, whenever I refuse a cookie or a piece of cake because it has eggs or dairy products in it, my friends and family tell me to “stop being so uptight and strict" about what I eat. Am I being too unreasonable? Do vegans occasionally “indulge" and eat desserts with dairy products in them?

Avoiding Alienation

5/17/2018

Shun or shame: What's the best approach to bring meat eaters into the vegan fold?

Q:
A dilemma that keeps turning up in my life is the issue of sharing meals with nonvegans while they eat animal flesh.

Tension at the Table

4/5/2018

Anger, no matter how righteous, can be as destructive and counterproductive as any other type of anger.

Q:
We are desperate for help to keep our family together and loving each other. My grandson has been a vegan since he was about thirteen. He is now twenty-five and currently lives with us. His continual anger toward us because we eat meat has created a great deal of unhappiness and division within our family.

Should I Treat If They Eat Meat?

3/8/2018

A true gift takes into account the preferences of the recipient.

Q:
What should I do when I take meat-eating friends out to lunch and I offer to treat? I'm really disturbed by the thought of paying for a meat meal, but I feel equally uncomfortable saying, “Sorry, but I won't spend my money on increasing the suffering of animals.”

Rooming with a Vegan

1/18/2018

Can vegans and nonvegans get along living under the same roof?

Q:
I am a nonvegan who is searching for a roommate. I came across an ad placed by a woman who also is looking for a roommate. I called her, and she sounds great, but she did mention that she's vegan. I was wondering what I could expect sharing space with a vegan. She told me she has lived with nonvegans before, but one remark has me concerned. She said she may not be able to concentrate on her studies if I were cooking meat. However, she did express interest in living with me. If a vegan says she is willing to live with a nonvegan, should I expect that she will be tolerant of my nonvegan lifestyle?

Holiday Heartache

11/16/2017

Many people have idealistic expectations for holidays, but reality doesn't always bend to our wishes.

Q:
My best friend, who isn't vegan, invited my family to a traditional Thanksgiving celebration. Initially I turned her down because I didn't want to be surrounded by a dead bird and other animal products. But she came back a few days later and offered to make a vegan feast instead. When her other friends were told of the change in menu, they reacted with extreme hostility, and now the whole thing is off. I want to help my bestie deal with her other friends' reactions, but I feel lost. Any suggestions?

Sharing the Table with Meat Eaters

10/5/2017

What should vegans do when friends, family, or colleagues eat meat in their presence?

Q:
A dilemma that keeps turning up in my life is the issue of sharing meals with nonvegans while they're eating meat. My wife is very much against it and has decided to arrive at gatherings after the food has been consumed. Some family members are okay with this, but others are not. My mother feels that we should be with the entire family to “break bread,” as she says. I say that “breaking bread” would be fine, just not “breaking animals.”

Handling a Vegan Houseguest

8/24/2017

Most vegans are open-minded, flexible, and accepting, and hope for a similar level of tolerance in return.

Q:
My daughter is currently completing an internship out of state. She will be returning home soon and will be bringing a friend with her whom she met during her placement. We have been told that her friend follows a vegan lifestyle. We want to be gracious hosts and not offend her or cause undue hardships for her while she is staying with us. Could you give us any practical advice? We would like to make her feel at home.

Being the Odd One Out

5/4/2017

How can I express my views and be who I am without creating conflicts with family, friends, and coworkers?

Q:
I know that vegans can and should be compassionate toward humans as well as animals, so I try to understand where people who disagree with me are coming from. But I’m afraid I’m not very good at it yet. I’ve been vegan for a number of years and was a vegetarian and animal rights activist for several years before that, so I’m used to being something of the odd one out. Still, I don’t seem to be getting any better at dealing with people who openly express their contempt and disregard for animals.

Workplace Woes

10/10/2016

Supervisors have every incentive to respect their staff, and employees have every right to insist on that respect.

Q:
I am having difficulty with my boss at work. She routinely makes fun of my vegan beliefs and values in front of my peers. This almost always takes place when we are at a restaurant. I eventually become defensive and very angry with her. Is there anything I can say to make her stop demeaning me?

"Forcing" Vegan Food on Guests

7/31/2016

You should not be required to compromise your values or do something that is repugnant to you.

Q:
My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement. He says he doesn't feel comfortable inviting nonvegan business associates over to our house for meals because he would feel as though he were “imposing a religion” on them.

Can I Love a Meat Eater?

6/19/2016

Love isn’t contingent on a person’s potential to transform or evolve into someone we might like better.

Q:
I'm a longtime vegan and animal rights activist. My partner eats vegan at home (out of respect for me) and vegetarian when we eat out together, but she eats meat when she's out on her own. She says she doesn’t want to be a vegetarian, even though she agrees with me about the horrors of factory farming and the suffering of animals.

Can I Fix Dad's Diet?

4/4/2016

Positive life changes are successful only when we are inspired from within.

Q:
I’ve been on my own for quite awhile and will be going back home to visit my family soon. I love my parents very much, even though we don’t always see eye to eye. My mother works in the medical field, and,

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